Most marketers want things like bigger budgets, integration with sales and an outlet for their blue-sky ideas — but these don’t make the best gifts. To help you out with some holiday gift inspiration for the special marketer in your life, the team at Motum B2B came up with our own wish list.

An espresso machine

Marketing is thirsty work, probably because we are constantly dehydrated from an overload of hot bean water. If that’s your marketer’s thing, we highly recommend getting them a nice coffee or espresso machine for that morning, breakfast, second-breakfast and afternoon pick-me-up.

Not every marketer drinks coffee. Still, we all need something to cut through the brain fog and help us work the buttons on our conference room phone. For non-caffeinated marketers, consider a nice assortment of tea or a shower that only runs cold.

The AP Stylebook

While it’s objectively the least cool thing on this list, everyone on the content team is looking forward to the arrival of our Associated Press Stylebook. Yeah, we’re nerds like that.

The AP Stylebook is a handy guide to American English grammar style, which gives us standards to follow on essential questions like, “Is ‘nine percent’ spelled out or written in numerals?” and “Can I poke my own eyes out with an em dash?”

A mobile device wall

Marketers need to make sure their emails and websites work on a variety of platforms across multiple devices. Our analytics and engagement team would love to test new email designs on a mobile device wall like the ones at Google, Shopify and this tiny Lego one at the Guardian headquarters.

Want to make sure your email responds well on an iPhone 5, a Google Pixel 2, a second-generation iPad and a Zune? Trick question — you can’t view email on a Zune (it’s a fossil of a failed music player). But you can hang it on your mobile device wall for fun while you test other things.

A $100,000 TV

Listen, this is a totally reasonable request. Do you have way too much money and have no idea what to do with it? Does your giftee want to view Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations in excruciating detail? Then this $100,000 98" 8K UHD HDR QLED Smart TV is the way to go. We think at least two of those acronyms mean the same thing, but hey, it sounds cool.

For that price you could also buy 65 iPhone 11 Pro Maxes or a fully loaded Range Rover, but neither of those things make a good centerpiece for your living room furniture.

A toy robot

Did you think this was a serious list? Everyone knows marketing is getting more and more automated these days, so it follows that every agency should have its own toy robot.

In an ideal world, our friendly office automaton would edit articles, debug websites and empty the dishwasher with his Lego-claw hands.

In the real world, we’re stuck with machines that look world-domination-worthy but can’t seem to open a door without falling. We probably wouldn’t trust one with the dishes.

Happy holidays from Motum B2B!

Ready to get back to your holiday shopping? We won’t keep you any longer — after all, it’s going to take you a while to save up for that massive TV.

We wish you a warm, safe and cheerful holiday season and all the best in the new year. If you need any help with your new year’s marketing resolution, let’s talk in 2019!